Transitions in Marriage

     As many of us are in our, what is said to be, prime we are all looking for someone to share the rest of our lives with. Or at least someone you can come to love romantically. Because what was traditional 50 years ago is different today. 

    Today's world is fraught with new circumstances and opportunities. We have a pandemic going on currently which has affected everyone drastically. Be it financially, economically and emotionally. But what about dating? How has that changed since the pandemic started? Dating has become a lot harder I believe. There are a plethora of dating apps that one could try but that doesn't always guarantee something. I, myself have at one time used a dating app and I went on a few dates for sure but nothing substantial came of it. Which kind of discouraged me. But finally I was able to find someone to share a part if not eventually all of my life with. 

    The next step is ideally marriage right? I remember on my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I was gung-ho about getting home and marrying because it was the next big step for me and something I was really excited about as I didn't have many romantic relationships before then. The idea of spending my life with someone I love was exciting! The rom-coms and tv shows make it seem like once I find the person for me it will be all sunshine and rainbows from then on out. Little did I know the actual work that would be needed.

    We've all heard of the marriages that happen within one or two dates and one is already proposing to the other. And I'm not saying that these marriages don't end up to be the greatest of all time but many couples have complained that their spouses changed after marriage. And you might wonder to yourself, how could one feel that way? This usually happens because couples don't date for long enough. They don't go through many different circumstances where many different topics of conversation will come up naturally. In layman's terms, you should get to know your spouse well before contemplating marriage. There needs to be a foundation stronger than just the things you love about a person. Many qualities such as problem solving and stubbornness are often overlooked when approaching marriage. We should practice problem solving in our relationships. You see many weddings on tv and real life where the bride and the groom cannot decide on the colors or the cake. Don't you think if they can't achieve at least that in the premarital relationship how are they going to decide how to parent their kids or be financially sound? 

    There is a lot more sacrifice that involves marriage than what one thinks of. I can say that I was naïve enough to think that as long as I love somebody everything else will fall into place. In my relationship now, as we are just dating I can see where conflicts can arise. How much money is spent, where and on what, going out and doing activities instead of laying around all day with each other, who's family to spend what holidays with and even friends!  

     As single adults we are very in tune with our own family units. Because they are all the family you have. You see them as the only family and it will never cross your mind about having to share that time with a different family. Well, that's what marriage is! When you marry the person you also marry their family. Because they have that same perspective about their families. Couples also need to be careful when venting about their marital problems. Because the family can be so ingrained as the initial support system it would be extremely easy to run off to parents, siblings or even good friends and complain about your spouse. One might think that helps but it really always puts your friends and family at opposition of your spouse as they will always take your side. And if these problems aren't discussed as a pair then many things will not get solved and the problems will continue to amount until sometimes a divorce. 

    So all in all marriage is hard. A lot more difficult than the world of entertainment sets it out to seem. A lot of things should be considered to have a happy and fulfilling marriage. How much you know about your spouse, their family life, the way you both come together to solves problems, how you butt heads and how to cope with the difficulties of a marriage. Marriage is work. Hard work. So is family life and so is love.